Forsaking Our Flawless Facades

Life Lessons Inspired by Lauryn Hill's MTV Unplugged No. 2.0 Performance

A Message to the Reader:

What follows are my thoughts and beliefs accumulated along my spiritual journey. They are truths discovered about the nature of the self, society, and God that I have come to know and embrace. I encourage each of you to use your discernment when reading this content. There may be some things you agree with and others you may viscerally reject. I ask you to contemplate the concepts that resonate with you and leave the rest behind. I share these life lessons not to persuade you to adopt them but to inspire you to seek and find your own. My hope is that my form of creative expression helps others feel a little less alone and a little more loved as they wander their path toward the Creator.

The Question

Have you ever been guilty of constantly comparing and judging yourself against others and the contrived standards held within our society? We are routinely inundated with the opinions of those around us, and sometimes, we can find ourselves held captive by a fear of their judgments, which can stifle creativity and our ability to share our authentic selves with the world. We allow superficial and commercially exploitive standards to fabricate flaws and imperfections that we try to hide or alter because we're too embarrassed or ashamed to allow others to see who we really are. This results in many of us being surrounded by a spouse, family, or friends who don't even know the real us. They've only been introduced and become acquainted with one of the many facades we've chosen to hide behind throughout our lives - a seemingly flawless facade quality-checked and approved by the gatekeepers of social acceptability that we continue to empower every time we sacrifice our authenticity upon their alters.

If you can relate to feeling that pressure to forsake your truth in exchange for moments of society's acceptance and admiration, I want you to know that you're not alone. In fact, it's hard to imagine there's anyone excluded from this all too common internal struggle. I believe all of us have had our share of adversities when it comes to finding, embracing, and staying loyal to ourselves within a society that's often vain, incredibly judgmental, and mercilessly unforgiving. So, what can we do about it? Where can we find the strength to overcome the endless torrent of influences designed to suppress our self-confidence and sabotage our efforts to claim our worth? Thankfully, there is no one answer to that question. That inspiration and strength we seek can be found in some of the most unsuspected people, places, and experiences we may encounter along our journey - even an acoustic performance by a "hip-hop folk singer" on MTV.

Sometimes, there are moments that come along in life where you witness an event that is so unexpected and unconventional that you fail to truly appreciate its relevance and importance in the moment it occurs. You're too wrapped up in a state of shock or surprise to really process it, and you have to carefully untangle your expectations of the experience from the experience to evaluate it appropriately. That's what happened to me on May 3, 2002, when I watched Lauryn Hill's refreshingly raw, emotionally vulnerable, and unapologetically authentic performance on MTV's Unplugged No. 2.0.

While some of Ms. Hill's critics view the performance and subsequent album as an "unfocused and rambling self-indulgence," I see it as her most brilliant, pure, and poignant achievement. The most incredible aspect about it wasn't even the bevy of inspirational songs she sang that evening but the life experiences and lessons she so openly shared during the performance's intro, seven interludes, and closing moments. In an audacious display of honesty and emotion, Lauryn Hill introduced us to her true, imperfect self, with many of her flaws laid bare for the world to see. And everyone who didn't like what she had to say, the raspy and sometimes faltering voice with which she said it, or the way she presented herself without flowing dreadlocks or an impeccably applied cosmetic foundation, could all be damned.

For those who may be unfamiliar with Lauryn Hill's career, from her time with the Fugees to her five-time Grammy award-winning solo album, The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill, I definitely recommend you take an opportunity to expose yourself to one of hip-hop's most brilliant artists of all-time. There's a reason why her name and legacy are mostly referenced with respect and reverence. Her beautiful blend of soul-stirring vocals and conscientious and intellectually stimulating lyrics changed the landscape of hip-hop in 1998. She broke industry records and catapulted to a new stratosphere of fame and notoriety as she became the face of hip-hop's new renaissance. If Kahlil Gibran represents my heart and Jiddu Krishnamurti my mind, then Lauryn Hill's artistry represents my aspirational creative expression. While I may never record captivating classics with head-nodding beats, I can lay my soul bare and express my truth with openness and vulnerability just like her.

As I look back on that performance over 21 years ago, there are several timeless lessons to be extracted and shared that are pertinent to much of what ails and plagues our society today. If we are to heal our festering wounds and come together as a socially aware and spiritually conscious community, it all starts within each of us and our ability to ignite latent potential into a kinetic explosion of passion and creative self-expression. While 'The Courage to Contend with Conformity and Convention' addressed the external forces we need to overcome to find and embrace our unique, individualized truth, 'Forsaking Our Flawless Facades' examines the internal conflict many of us deal with and how it prevents us from sharing that truth and positively impacting the world through our indelible impressions.

Focus Less on Ourselves to Have a Greater Impact on the Lives of Those Around Us

"I used to go on tour, you know, and I'd be a prisoner. I used to be a prisoner on tour. Cause I would go on tour, and on tour, you're supposed to enjoy and have a good time, but I'd be this prisoner in a hotel, you know, drinking tea and, you know, telling the children, you know, 'Mommy has to sleep' cause I wanted to maintain this, you know, immaculate sounding voice, but that's not realistic. You know, reality is, sometimes I stay up late, and this is what I sound like when I wake up the next day, and you know, it's a voice. You know, and to me, the more I, uh, I focus less on myself, the more I realize I can be used to spread a message. Cause . . . I used to be so, oh my God, if I sound harsh and raspy, I can't go out there. And that's a lie, you know, I just sound like a singer with a lot of stuff in her throat." - Lauryn Hill, MTV Unplugged No. 2.0, Interlude #2

Back around 2005, I had been on my renewed spiritual journey for a few years, and there were so many things I had learned and experienced that I wanted to share with others. I was far from shy and wanted to talk to anyone within earshot about the state of the world and what I believed was needed from us as a society to prepare for the birth pains signaling the end of our struggles and the beginning of a new age of hope and promise. I poured my heart and soul into writing a book of poetry and prose chronicling what I described as a romance, rebellion, and reconciliation with differing concepts of the Creator, religion, and spirituality. Over the course of the book, there was a clear maturation and evolution of thoughts, feelings, and beliefs regarding the nature of God, the role and influence of society, and the eventual identification and acceptance of the self. That book was called A Memoir of Mortality, and it was my passion project that still holds very deep significance for me to this day. Some of the poetry or prose I've shared and will share with you originates from it.

When I finished writing the first iteration of A Memoir of Mortality, I was determined to get it published and into the hands of the masses to help spark change in our world. I deeply believed that the truths I articulated were irrefutable and that anyone who read them would be overwhelmingly moved with no choice but to see the world as I saw it. That notion seems laughable now. Looking back on that idea and ambition, I roll my eyes at the naïveté, but that was my truth and purpose at that nexus in time. It didn't take long for me to abandon it, though.

After I self-published a couple of dozen copies of the book, I shared it with some friends and a family member to gauge their reactions and see if it would have the impact I hoped. Their responses were mixed, ranging from no comment to some praise and compliments of how beautifully it was written. None of the reactions were what I was looking for, though. No one experienced any life-changing epiphanies after reading the words poured straight from my soul. To them, they were just a collection of poems - nothing special or extraordinary about them. I wouldn't be surprised if some of them thought it was unfocused and a rambling self-indulgence. If I'm really honest with myself, to a great extent, I can understand that criticism.

So, after not receiving the responses and feedback I desired, I gathered all my prints of the book and placed them on a shelf to gather dust. After all, if those somewhat close to me didn't appreciate it, how could I ever expect strangers to connect with and be moved by its content? I rationalized giving up fairly quickly. I decided to just continue living my life and keep my thoughts and beliefs to myself.

Over the next few years, I started a promising career in retail management and met the first woman who became the focal point of my life. We were together for about three years before things came to a seemingly abrupt and painful ending. I won't go into much detail regarding how my relationship with her ended, but the short of it was that she didn't believe I would give her the room or freedom she needed to grow, change, and evolve. So, eventually, she met someone the total opposite of me, which allowed her to explore aspects of herself she felt she couldn't in our relationship. Well, that's the more mature account of what transpired. At the time, the only thing I could see or focus on was the fact that she cheated on me. I felt an incredible sense of betrayal and rejection that caused me tremendous pain.

For the next two years, I wrestled with the new reality of being alone again and poured whatever energy I had into my career to stave off and distract from the feelings of loneliness that began creeping back into my daily life. It wasn't long before I felt the urge and need to start writing again because a series of unfortunate events forced me to introspect and tap into my faith to reconcile them. During a short span of time, my car was stolen, and my apartment was broken into, resulting in many of my possessions being stolen or damaged. It became very clear that life was trying to get my attention and bring an end to using my professional career as a distraction. I needed to devote more of my time and energy to something with more depth of purpose for me. So, I sat down, once again, and began writing my second book, which I titled The Intellectual Ramblings of an Egotistic Schizophrenic.

The Intellectual Ramblings... was a much different book than A Memoir of Mortality. The beginning of it focused on me sorting through all of the pain and confusion that preoccupied my mind the prior couple of years, along with trying to make sense of all the misfortunes I experienced more recently. I got a quarter of the way through the book before its purpose started to take shape. Ultimately, The Intellectual Ramblings... was written to help me find a balance and harmonize the three aspects of myself that felt neglected and wished to express themselves. There was the romantic part of me inspired by Kahlil Gibran's works that sought beauty and purpose in all things. It strove to do what was best for everyone and be positive and optimistic in all circumstances. Then, there was the realist aspect of my psyche inspired by Jiddu Krishnamurti's teachings that understood the need to see the world as it was to best interact with and engage it. Finally, the fiery portion of my persona was inspired by Lauryn Hill's passion and ability to move millions. It was bold, brash, and exuded confidence. It identified the ills plaguing our world and sought to inspire change by leveraging its creative brilliance.

Each of the three aspects of my psyche expressed itself throughout the book in different writing styles, such as poetry (Gibran), contemplative analysis (Krishnamurti), and sharp, unbridled song lyrics (Hill), culminating in a unique and interestingly woven narrative revealing one coalescing identity. Nearing the book's end, there was an understanding that each was a very important, integral part of me. Instead of any one of them seizing control as the dominant aspect of my personality, there was the realization that it's best for each to have their moment in the light and at the helm of my disposition. This would allow for a more flexible and balanced capability to meet and embrace all my upcoming life experiences.

I finished writing The Intellectual Ramblings of an Egotistic Schizophrenic in 2011. I never completed it, though. When I started it, I had every intention of sharing it with the world. But I, eventually, talked myself out of it at some point during its creation. The same tired excuses reared their heads, including a fresh batch that questioned my mental and emotional stability. I could hear my critics' voices growing louder and louder in my head. "There is nothing new or ground-breaking in the book." "Who does he think he is to discuss God or religion with anyone?" "Clearly, he's mentally and emotionally unstable. Why should anyone read anything he has to say?" "It's an unfocused and rambling self-indulgence." Every comment and criticism I could conjure up played in an endless loop within my brain until I rationalized it was probably best to just keep the book to myself. "It served its purpose, already." "I just needed to do it for me." "It was therapeutic." "I don't need to self-publish this one. It will just end up on another shelf gathering dust." And just like that, I stuffed and boxed away the aching parts of me that yearned to express and be heard by the world. I may have told myself that those voices that grew louder and louder in my head were my critics, but they weren't. They were mine. Every last one of them was mine.

I came up with countless reasons and excuses to shrink from the moment instead of being bold and brilliant within it. I cowered in a sad, self-sabotaging display of fear under the guise of self-preservation. But honestly, I was the greatest threat to my truth's survival. Yes, there were many who played their part in obstructing my path to finding my authentic, genuine truth, but I stood alone as the menace and saboteur that kept my voice weak, ineffective, and isolated. I am the one who failed to find enough value in what I had to say to make it worth the consequences I may or may not have experienced. I am the one who made the choice to suffer in self-imposed silence rather than boisterously live and show appreciation for the gift God had given me. That was all on me. I needed to find a 'why' or reason powerful enough to help me withstand my own ingenuity when it came to delivering an onslaught of demoralizing judgments and criticisms. Unfortunately, it took me nine years to find that singular reason capable of weathering a storm of self-doubt and undermining rationalizations. But then again, you should know me well enough to know I believe things happen precisely when they are supposed to.

In September 2018, I was blessed to have the opportunity to marry the love of my life, and we honeymooned in gorgeous cities and towns throughout the history-rich country of Italy. Approximately six weeks later, my wife surprised me with the news that she was pregnant with our first child. After the initial shock wore off, the reality that I would be a father began to wash over me. I was excited. It was something that I wanted for a long time, but only when the circumstances were perfect or, at least, ideal to bring a child into the world. That meant we needed to be financially stable and able to afford the expenses associated with raising children. It also required our child to be born into a family with a mother and father who loved each other and had an abundance of love to give them.

Far too often, we've seen examples of children abused, neglected, or worse because of broken family dynamics. Sometimes it's a result of the stresses and challenges of financial struggles. Other times, it results from broken or fractured relationships that create a deprivation of love in the home. While having a stable, sufficient source of income and loving parents doesn't guarantee a child will grow up healthy and loved, it definitely doesn't hurt the chances of that outcome. I feel we have profound responsibilities to our children even before they come into this world. I didn't want my child's life to begin without the proper foundation to grow and experience this world healthily.

There is something instinctually activated in many when they learn they are having a child. Suddenly, your priorities shift, and your world begins to flip on its axis to accommodate the new life you will be responsible for over the next quarter-century or more. Some will point toward evolutionary reasons as to why we're seemingly hardwired or encoded to provide for and do what's necessary for the survival of our offspring and species. I won't argue with that at all. I will say that suddenly I felt I wasn't the most important person to consider when making decisions anymore. My son's birth unlocked something within me. It was a part of me I didn't have access to until he arrived. It was a critical aspect of my soul that I needed to motivate and inspire me to write again. It was a different, more personal form of love expressed through protecting, raising, and nurturing another. This time, I would begin writing with a singular purpose worthy and capable of withstanding my inner voice's criticisms and the anticipated fears of how others would perceive my words and expression. So, on January 18, 2020, I began writing a re-imagined iteration of A Memoir of Mortality with the first piece titled "... A Purpose Stirring Passions Aflame."

I can attempt to recount the emotions for my son that coursed through me the days I first started writing again, but I don't believe anything could better convey those feelings than the words I used at that time. What follows is an excerpt from A Memoir of Mortality, '...A Purpose Stirring Passions Aflame.'

"I know every word I say or type will be scrutinized and rejected by many, and I also know that there may be one person who will understand and relate to everything expressed. Acceptance nor rejection will change my determination to move forward with this literary contribution to society. The judgments of others can no longer quiet my tongue nor hold my truth hostage, as it has done for so long.

This time around, I'm writing because it has become clear that every life and experience has value, and we have a responsibility to share them with others. I felt for so long that my truth wasn't worth sharing because it wasn't revolutionary, or its validity and authority faded as time and perspective took their toll... With that said, I have come to a place of peace and resolution concerning this book. My beliefs, ideas, and stories don't have to be revolutionary to everyone - but there's a good chance it may radically impact one person's life.

I've decided that no matter what obstacles I'll have to overcome, I will open my mind, heart, and soul to the world for everyone to see and make a choice. Some will be inspired to share their stories, while others will be motivated to dismantle every thought and concept I introduce in an attempt to silence my and others' voices. And then, there will be those without care one way or the other because it's either not their time to be moved to action, or it never will be.

I'm determined to finish writing this book for my son, Alexander. I want to be there for him as he grows into a young adult and a great man. I hope it is the will of the Creator for me to live to see that happen. Yet, I know all too well that our lives aren't designed or played out according to individual desires laden with ignorance and void of universal responsibility. That said, I can leave my thoughts, experiences, and words behind for him always to have. I can express enough within these pages so that he'll know how much I love him.

I don't look back on parts of my life with regrets or wishes. I believe that shows a lack of trust and appreciation for life and the Creator. But sometimes, I do wonder about the type of person I would have been if, when I was younger, I was privy to the wisdom and perspective I now possess. It isn't my story to speak from that perspective, but I'd like for it to be my son's. I don't want to make the mistake of transferring my hopes and dreams onto him, though. It's unfair to our children to handcuff their hopes to our limited and soon outdated perception of the world and what's possible. I want to make sure I do everything I can to provide the foundation of love, knowledge, and wisdom he will require to create and pursue his own dreams. I never want him to feel I limited his ability to become the person he wants to be. That includes not being there for him due to what many would consider the easily defensible excuse of my death.

Here's a simple truth. If I pass from this life before Alex grows into manhood, there will be no substitute for me physically being there during life's challenging times. I won't be there to hug him tightly when he experiences his first relationship heartbreak. My words of encouragement to motivate him to get back on his feet won't be heard. The look in my eyes that would always convey a belief that everything will work out just fine and that he can accomplish anything he sets his mind to do, won't be seen. Nothing I leave behind could ever equate to being there. With that said, it isn't an excuse to leave nothing behind.

When my son experiences his first heartbreak, I want family and friends to hug him tightly to absorb a portion of his pain. Then, I want him to find my writings to know I experienced heartache, too. When he struggles to accomplish a goal or tastes the bitterness of failure, I pray for someone to provide words of encouragement that will motivate him never to give up and always try again. But I also want him to draw strength and inspiration from my words. God, I hope a loving face is there to look him in the eyes and make him believe that everything will be okay, and there is nothing he can't achieve. That said, I hope he knows another face would look at him that same way if I were there.

For most of my life, I've searched and waited for something that would guide me to my purpose. I yearned to feel love and passion intense enough to permeate and power me through all circumstances. Alex has unlocked aspects of my soul that I could never have gained access to alone. My son has provided purpose and an iron-clad determination I've only admired from afar. One day, he will read these words for the first time and not think much of them. But another day, he will find them again and extract some measure of peace and comfort from them. So, I will end this entry with an expression of gratitude and adoration for him. Thank you, Alex, for coming into my life to stir my soul and the creativity within it. You helped me find the most rewarding part of my purpose that will inspire me for the rest of my days. I love you with my entire being."

My son helped me realize that I was way too consumed with how others would perceive me and focused too much on myself. That didn't leave much time or energy to care about and help anyone else. I could think of a million reasons not to share my life, beliefs, and authentic self with the world. Alex showed me there's one powerful reason I should. He opened the floodgates of creativity within me, and I have no hope of keeping it contained. I must follow through with my mission to share my truth with the world. No matter how my thoughts and expressions are received, I can no longer keep them confined within me. My personal experiences may seem like mine to do whatever I choose, and no one would probably find fault if I kept them private. But I no longer believe they are solely mine to hoard and selfishly withhold from you. Our lives are lived to be shared and to help each other learn more about ourselves on this journey. Remember, "the experience of one becomes the resource of all."

Part of me wishes to apologize for how long this lesson has taken to articulate. But a wiser part of me knows there is no reason for an apology. When I began writing this lesson, it wasn't my intention for it to be so lengthy. But as I typed each word, sentence, and paragraph, I realized that this wasn't a lesson that I learned. This is a lesson that I'm still learning. This blog, website, and community that I'm attempting to bring together is my first legitimate attempt to express my truth with openness and vulnerability to the world. After all, what kind of hypocrite would I be to teach my son to find his truth and share it if I never did it myself? You see, it isn't enough to simply leave a memoir filled with ramblings for my son to one day find and read. No, that would never suffice. I have to live a life of purpose, consequence, and substance. I need to be a living example of the lessons I pass on to him.

How often have you allowed your inner voices of doubt, criticism, and fear to silence your tongue and prevent your hand from reaching out to help another? If you're anything like me, the answer is more than you are proud to admit. I am asking each of you to not allow it to happen again. Don't underestimate the tremendous value innate to you or the incredible impact you can make in the lives of those around you. It's taken me years to realize how much of my energy and time has been exhausted being self-absorbed with often frivolous, manufactured fears. That energy and time could have been used to positively change my world.

Exposing Our Flaws Makes Us Relatable, Enable Connection, and Can Inspire Others

"I mean, I'm serious ... I can laugh about it now, but it took a long time for me to understand that, you know, what I am is what I am. I can't be afraid to, you know, to expose that to the public. You know, always get in trouble trying to ... dress it up. You know what I'm sayin'? Just tired of that, you know. Just tired of that. Tired of frontin'. Tired of that. Cause somebody's ... gonna see me, and they gonna know 'Oh ... there's something that God's been telling me to do. I can do it, too. I can do what I'm supposed to be doin'. I don't need an entourage. What do I need a crew for?' That doesn't validate you." - Lauryn Hill, MTV Unplugged No. 2.0, Interlude #4

Our society has an unhealthy tendency to place celebrities on pedestals and create brands from their image and likeness that portray them as exceptional or flawless human beings. While this practice may lead to lucrative product sales and millions of Instagram or X followers that can be leveraged and exploited, it often takes a massive toll on the very real and flawed individual who tries to live up to the unrealistic expectations of the brand or commercial persona. Lauryn Hill spoke candidly about her experience with this. She explained, "I had created this, uh, public persona, this public illusion. And it ... held me hostage; like I couldn't be a real person because you're too afraid of, you know, what your, your public will say. And at that point, I had to do some dying and really accept the fact that, look, 'this is who I am, and I have to be who I am, and all of us have a right to be who we are.'"

Thankfully, there are some encouraging signs that we are going in a healthier direction as a global community. Many cookie-cutter, formulaic brands are now being rejected and called out for their inauthenticity. Our younger generation is more tolerant of change and diversity. They are also more intolerant of anything fake, phony, or counterfeit. They're leading us boldly into a future where we all are becoming more comfortable and confident in our own skin. This is a promising social development because as long as we entertain or support bogus, fictitious, or fabricated facades, we prevent ourselves from ever truly knowing each other and building any meaningful connection on a spiritual level. Ultimately, that's what all of this is about - figuring out how to create and sustain meaningful connections with one another.

We have done ourselves only a disservice when we demanded our idols and heroes be fashioned flawless and perfect in form and features. We eagerly endorsed unattainable standards that gave many permission to underachieve and not strive to realize the greatness within themselves. Because our heroes' flaws were hidden, airbrushed, or concealed, we couldn't see our likeness in them, relieving us of the pressure to push ourselves to accomplish the remarkable feats we're capable of. And that is why what Lauryn Hill did on that stage means so much to me today.

When she figuratively undressed before the world and revealed her imperfections, she showed everyone that she was just like us. Her mental and emotional scars and stress lines showed all that she lived a life that left its mark and took its toll, too. She was dealing with "the same issues, the same problems, and the same stuff" that we all try to avoid until we're forced to confront and overcome them at some point along our journey. While many lamented the loss of the hip-hop icon they idolized and adored, Lauryn made it unmistakenly clear that that person didn't exist. The Lauryn they remembered was an illusion cut and pasted together, utilizing only parts of herself while the rest of her personhood was hidden from view to avoid tarnishing her persona's sparkling image. For the first time, she introduced us to a more holistic version of Ms. Lauryn Hill. She was someone we could connect with and see our own struggles and hopes within.

In the quote that begins this lesson, Lauryn says that somebody will see her, and they will know that there's something that God wants them to do, too. They will see her and say to themselves that they can do it. I've listened to and read those words many times, and they strike me as prophetic. Although she didn't know me, I felt she was talking directly to me. Her seemingly unremarkable performance, which included the occasional imperfect pitch and errant guitar strum, helped me believe in the greatness inside me. It inspired me to strive toward fulfilling my purpose and accomplishing what I'm here to do. I don't need to write the perfect prose or pen the most eloquent passage of poetry to share my story and impact those around me. This world doesn't require nor need an impeccably polished version of me. In fact, it requires the opposite. It needs me, just as it needs you, with all of our imperfections proudly displayed.

We spend so much time trying to hide our flaws when they are what make us approachable and enable connection with those around us. None of us can relate to an idealized perfect person because they don't exist. They're merely an illusion or construct we unwittingly judge and compare ourselves to. It's why many of us secretly wish for, delight, and relish in the scandals that befall our spotless public figures. When others see us own and proudly wear our imperfections, they are more likely to be comfortable owning theirs, too. This can help break down walls of insecurity and eliminate the self-loathing that keeps us from fully embracing one another and ourselves. Once we truly realize and appreciate the value of our imperfect nature, then we can be an inspiring example for others to emulate. We will be able to engage the world with an assurance that will help us realize and achieve our full potential and inherent greatness.

Re-Introduce Yourself - Allow People to Meet and Know the Real You

"It's like, we date people, like let's say, you know, we're interested in somebody, and we put on the perfume and dress up and ... we do things that we will never ever ever do again! You understand what I'm sayin'? ... And that's why so many marriages end up in divorce. It's because people wake up next to a stranger. They say, 'Who the hell are you? What are you doing in this bed? Where's the man that used to do du, du-du, and du?' And I'm sayin' let's give them reality from the door because you're going to attract love and the one that really loves you. And then you don't have to pretend and falsify, and you know, keep that posture."

- Lauryn Hill, MTV Unplugged No. 2.0, Interlude #5

I'm tellin' you, I know that I'm up here, and you see Lauryn Hill. You came to see Lauryn Hill. But this is the first time y'all meetin' me. You see what I'm saying? Don't think you met me before, okay? And as I grow, you're going to meet me a little bit more. You're gonna be exposed to the real me a little bit more. I can tell you I had to reintroduce myself to everybody I know - my mother, my father. Listen, y'all never knew me. I want to introduce you to me. I'm just getting to know me. And you know what, anything that's not growin' is dead, so we better be changing."

- Lauryn Hill, MTV Unplugged No. 2.0, Interlude #5

Very few of us will ever experience the pressures of fame and the weight of people's expectations like Lauryn Hill did during her meteoric rise. I, personally, can't imagine the toll such stress had on her or anyone who lives their life in the public eye under constant scrutiny. That said, most of us can relate to conforming and contorting ourselves to become someone we feel the objects of our affection can love. Some of us have sacrificed small to large parts of our identity to blend into work environments, social circles, and even our families. None of us want to feel the sting of rejection. We don't want it from strangers, and we definitely don't want it from those we love or hold in high esteem. But when we contort, conform, and sacrifice parts of our identity to ingratiate ourselves with others, are we not, to some degree, rejecting ourselves? We may feel the initial love and adoration from others and believe it's worth it, but after a while, we realize that the sacrifice is perpetual and becomes too costly. Before you know it, you don't like the person staring back at you in the mirror. And you come to realize that it isn't worth it anymore.

So, what is the alternative? Well, it may sound a little crazy, but what if we didn't contort, conform, and sacrifice aspects of our identity in exchange for the acceptance of others? What if we forsake all of our flawless facades and decide to love and stay faithful to ourselves unconditionally? I know that sounds naïve when considering how the world works, but it doesn't have to work the way it does now. We have the power to change it - one work environment, social circle, and family at a time. We can take a stand and say that accepting only part of us is unacceptable. We're a whole person and must not waiver in our demand to be acknowledged and respected as such. But before we can expect that type of respect and acceptance from others, we must do the work, learn how to eliminate our own judgments, and develop an ability to embrace others without conditions. That will go a long way toward creating an environment where people feel loved and valued around us, which is critical to our ability to feel the same.

Most of the conflict and friction we experience in our relationships are caused by us wearing masks and facades which effectively deceive and mislead others about who we are and undermine our ability to genuinely connect with them. This is important to understand because, where ignorance and misunderstandings of self and others exist, doubt, fear, distrust, and a need to control will fill the void and make connection and harmony impossible to achieve. We often look at our bigger, complex global issues like wars, climate change, crime, racism, and poverty and throw our hands up, believing that a solution doesn't exist or is simply too convoluted to achieve. Well, I don't believe that at all. There is no problem we're incapable of solving when we come together as a collective to deal with it. That's why it is so important to eliminate any barrier preventing us from forging those connections, especially those that are self-constructed. I just think we've tried to solve our problems without first making the necessary changes within us that will enable building a network of relationships needed to tackle these daunting issues. Every one of us plays a pivotal role in that network's construction.

You see, most are of the mindset that we can look at the world's problems and use our astounding ability to research, analyze, and critically think until we arrive at a solution to eliminate them. I view things a little differently. I believe the world's problems only exist to reveal where we have opportunities to grow and evolve as individuals and as a society. So, the solutions to these issues will not be discovered or achieved by merely throwing intellectual and economic resources at it. No, the issues we face as a collective are gifted to us to force change within and help us take the next step along our evolutionary path toward the Creator. In other words, when we realize that our outside world is a result or reflection of what's currently inside us and we make the necessary adjustments within, that's when once-elusive answers and solutions will become readily accessible, and our increasingly dire circumstances will improve, miraculously. We should consider relinquishing the illusory belief that we can change the world with an "outside-in" strategy, and consider the possibility that we will be far more effective taking an "inside-out" approach.

I know it seems farcical to entertain the idea that simply forsaking our facades and re-introducing ourselves to our loved ones, acquaintances, and strangers alike can bring about world peace and stave off cataclysmic climate change. I get it. How could something that seems so inconsequential have such far-reaching ramifications? Well, I won't go in-depth on that topic in this post. But I will say this. If the key to solving the world's biggest problems lies in our ability to come together with a unified focus to leverage the genius and expertise of the world community and harness the incalculable energy yielded from that synergy, then every single connection made contributes to that common goal. When we cast our facades to the side and re-introduce our authentic, flawed selves to the world, we create more opportunities for connection with others. When we're not met with judgment and condemnation but with acceptance and an embrace, those connections will form naturally and allow appreciation, gratitude, and love to develop and grow. Think about it. When you are accepted, appreciated, and fully embraced, you feel more alive, engaged, and energized. You feel more connected to those around you and have more of a passion and purpose to invest, not only in the well-being of yourself but in them as well.

I know this lesson got pretty heavy. I'm not trying to put the pressure or responsibility of solving global conundrums on anyone. So, let's just take a step back, and I'll leave you with this. I've said it before, and I will say it again. I strongly believe that, if we truly want to be happy, it starts with complete and total acceptance within and having the courage to share our flawed, imperfect selves with the world. I know it will be excruciatingly tough for many to do what others may deem an easy ask. For some, it could cost them their job or the current love of their life. For others, it may require losing friends and family for a while or maybe even forever. There is no sugarcoating how scary, difficult, and painful something like this can be. But what I will say is that after you've endured the arguments, judgments, and condemnations directed at you, and you've been able to invest a significant amount of time getting comfortable with and loving yourself completely, you will step out of one of your darkest hours more confident and capable of engaging the world and making an indelible impact on the lives of those you choose to have around you. You will attract a more enduring love from those on a similar path who will justify your journey and more than compensate for those lost along the way. I, personally, cannot wait to meet you - in all of your flawed and fabulous glory.

Take care of yourself, and know that you're never alone and always loved.

A Moment for Gratitude

I don't know if she'll ever visit this blog or read this expression of gratitude I'm about to share, but I do want to say thank you to Ms. Hill for being a true motivating force in my life and the lives of countless others for more than 25 years now. I remember listening to "The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill" as a high school senior and rediscovering it a few years later after I began my spiritual journey. I was absolutely obsessed with it. Ms. Hill always seemed to possess wisdom beyond her years, and she passionately channeled it into melodic masterpieces that lifted our spirits while challenging unhealthy social paradigms.

Ms. Hill rose to the top of the charts and the hearts of millions of people around the globe. She achieved more in just a few years than most will ever accomplish in their music careers, even if they dedicate their whole lives to the industry. At the height of her career's ascension, she made the decision to walk away from it all and focus on finding and getting to know herself. She could have faded from the public eye entirely, but she chose to return a few years later to share some of her most intimate creative expressions.

Her passion inspired me to do more than just seek to understand and make sense of the world around me. She moved me to invest time and energy into finding my voice and a form of expression capable of positively impacting the lives of those who surround me. In part, because of her influence, I can no longer be a passive observer of the constant procession of life. I must be an active participant when it comes to shaping my reality.

Her creative genius set the bar absurdly high when it came to establishing my standard of artistic expression. I studied her masterful use of language, lyrical style, and evocative messages to learn how best to craft and deliver my own poetic offerings to society. I have no delusions of coming anywhere close to her brilliance, but there's no doubt that her exceptional body of work made me my worst critic, pushed me to be better, and helped me produce the best work I could achieve.

It has been said that "Imitation is the highest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness." So, in that spirit, I'd like to leave you all with a piece written over a decade ago by my alter-ego, The Amethyst. Its creation was inspired by Ms. Hill's confidence, passion, and lyrical prowess, with some k-os, Aceyalone, and Common influences mixed in as well. The Amethyst persona allowed me to funnel my frustrations, anger, and confusion into an expressive outlet that could transmute it into something positive, constructive, and capable of making a difference.

"A Method to the Madness"

(2011. revised, from The Intellectual Ramblings of an Egotistic Schizophrenic)

Excuse me for being so damn abrupt

But I must beg your pardon and interrupt

I have to disrupt the norm and mundane

Shake sh!t up cause I’ve been called insane

In the membrane, but my words aren’t in vain.

This time I’ll make them simple and plain.

So, find another reason to show disdain

Stain my character and inflict your pain.

But I won’t stop showcasing a brilliant brain

I’ll pop up every other prose or two

Because I have two cents to give to you.

It’s true that my methods are a little crazy,

But luckily, criticism don’t really faze me

Cause lately, I’ve realized that my creation

Came from durations of mental stagnation

Frustrations from periods of starvation

Inspired me to make a literary donation

To the less fortunate seeking a foundation

To support and aid their education

This fixation is what keeps me alive

And I thrive upon the idea to revive

Embracers of dead doctrines who don’t survive

The fruit of their corruption which tends to deprive

The nutrients needed to stay alive

As I dispel doubt and heighten cognition

My enemies wish I’d go into remission

But my chronic condition and composition

Won’t allow me to just tap out in submission.

In addition to being a mental physician

I morph into a Blaine-like magician

I cut lies in half and make truth appear

As if doing the impossible is my chosen career.

You should not fear my unorthodox style

Cause I touch hearts like Coffey in "The Green Mile"

And while you're asleep tucked away in your bed

I’m sifting through thoughts and racking my head

Trying to figure out which seeds to imbed

Instead of living a selfish life

Filled with drama, climaxes, and a Stepford wife

Suffice it to say, I am not totally stable

So, maybe I deserve the “He’s crazy!” label

But it is also because I am willing and able

To stand up against a commercialized fable

Plagiarized and marketed on basic cable

I’ll table that topic and leave it mystery

But if you have insight into prior history

Y’know, I can’t let it go. . . it gets to me.

Inevitably, I'll have to scratch that itch

Because I swear to God it will cause a twitch.

I’ll switch subject matters and try to share

Why the hell I believe I even care

Because life is hard and a b!tch to bear

It’s rarely considerate nor pretends to be fair

I swear, it makes me tip-toe the brink,

So it’s therapeutic to stop and think,

I must take time to translate it to ink

Or I will be forced to take a drink.

The link between my mind and expression

Is the only factor preventing depression

Your impression of me may turn negative

Yet, I won’t fret cause it’s all relative

It’s imperative I shed my mild-mannered Kent

Because sometimes Superman just has to vent.

I’m not from Krypton, so the hero I’ll invent

Won't be super strong, but intelligent.

He’d find ways to comfort and relieve our sadness

Then communicate it all in a method of madness.

- The Amethyst

To my Son, Alexander:

"Each perceived flaw and imperfection that comprises our identity is intentional and purposed by the Creator to promote our individuality and a diversity of experiences to aid our soul's evolution. But know that we are not flawed, and we are not imperfect. We are simply fragments of God's perfection, often unappreciated."

Join the Discussion:

https://www.thewanderfulworld.com/join-the-discussion/general-discussion/forsaking-our-flawless-facades-discussion

Recommended Music:

• Lauryn Hill's MTV Unplugged No. 2.0 by Lauryn Hill

• The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill by Lauryn Hill