The Courage to Contend with Conformity and Convention

Life Lessons Inspired by Total Freedom by Jiddu Krishnamurti

A Message to the Reader:

What follows are my thoughts and beliefs accumulated along my spiritual journey. They are truths discovered about the nature of the self, society, and God that I have come to know and embrace. I encourage each of you to use your discernment when reading this content. There may be some things you agree with and others you may viscerally reject. I ask you to contemplate the concepts that resonate with you and leave the rest behind. I share these life lessons not to persuade you to adopt them but to inspire you to seek and find your own. My hope is that my form of creative expression helps others feel a little less alone and a little more loved as they wander their path toward the Creator.

The Question

Have you ever felt like the world constantly tries to limit and stuff you into a conveniently labeled box? Does it ever feel like most of what you've come to learn and accept about life isn't exactly as described? While that may cause concern, the more upsetting part about it is that you probably built much, if not all, of your identity on a foundation of falsehoods. So, how are you supposed to reconcile that? How can you possibly find acceptance, a sense of belonging, and a love of self within a society that has made it clear that your individuality and unconventional thinking will not be embraced? It's a very daunting prospect that causes many to seek out and indulge in self-medicating practices like drug or alcohol abuse.

It's been three months since I posted my last blog entry. I had some life events happen during that time that required much thought to fully digest. On top of that, I was hellbent on re-reading Total Freedom by Jiddu Krishnamurti because it had such an incredible impact on my life, and I wanted to share those lessons with you. I don't know if I ever read the book front to back prior to this last time because I didn't remember chunks of it, and it was absolutely painstaking to read. It took me an hour to get through 10-15 pages because my brain wanted to shut down and pull my eyelids close every few minutes. I kept having to re-read passages and paragraphs due to bouts of mental fatigue. Total Freedom is only 360 pages, but it felt like 3,060. Granted, this isn't the type of book that's supposed to be read like a true crime novel or some other work of fiction. It's intended for portions to be read and then contemplated. So, the issues I had reading through the book were on me. While it may not have been the most enjoyable experience, re-reading the words and studying the philosophy and wisdom of Jiddu Krishnamurti reminded me of how much he shaped who I am today and influenced how I receive and scrutinize information presented.

You see, I grew up the consummate loner. I felt the pressures of a world that wanted me to contort and cram my individuality into a box for their convenience. But, as I went through adolescence and young adulthood, something always told me to stay true to myself and not succumb to the many temptations of conformity that offered a false but attractive sense of belonging. For whatever reason, I could always see or feel that the conventional way the world operated would not work for me. The aspects of themselves that others were willing to sacrifice or compromise always seemed non-negotiable. While I can look back on those moments now with an appreciation for my resolve, back then, it felt like I was isolating myself and only making it harder for others to accept me.

If you have had similar thoughts or feelings, I hope you know you are not alone. I decided to focus on the lessons learned from Total Freedom because Jiddu Krishnamurti was introduced to me when I didn't feel like I was accepted by this world, and I know there are countless people feeling the same way now. I had already embarked on a renewed spiritual journey sparked by a conversation with a friend and the introduction of Kahlil Gibran's works into my life. But everything I learned during my new walk of faith seemed to clash and be met with resistance by the established orthodoxy and societal convention. The constant friction stole much of my vital energy. The worst part was that I could not carve out a cohesive identity that I could accept and love due to all of the contradictory and false axioms I tried to assimilate into a disjointed sense of self. Reading Krishnamurti's words and grasping a comprehension of his concepts provided me the courage and blueprint to do the one thing I never considered but proved critical to achieving total self-acceptance. I needed to empty out everything I thought I knew and start over again.

Truth is a Pathless Land

On August 3, 1929, Jiddu Krishnamurti delivered what has come to be known as "The Dissolution Speech" in front of 3000 members of The Order of the Star in the East, founded by the Theosophical Society in 1911. The speech effectively dissolved The Order to the astonishment and surprise of the attending members. The Order believed Krishnamurti was the prophesied World Teacher of Maitreya who would come to transfer the knowledge of the true constitution and workings of existence to humanity. On that Saturday, Jiddu repudiated the mission of The Order along with the title and other-worldly expectations bestowed upon him.

"The Dissolution Speech" captivated me because of the courage and conviction it took to do something so dramatic, controversial, and decisive. It stuck with me years after reading it because Krishnamurti very carefully laid out an argument for why each of us should seek out our own unique truth and not surrender our power of discernment to an authority. Krishnamurti claimed that "Truth is a pathless land, and you cannot approach it by any path whatsoever, by any religion, by any sect. That is my point of view, and I adhere to that absolutely and unconditionally. Truth, being limitless, unconditioned, unapproachable by any path whatsoever, cannot be organized; nor should any organization be formed to lead or to coerce people along any particular path. If you first understand that, then you will see how impossible it is to organize a belief. A belief is purely an individual matter, and you cannot and must not organize it. If you do, it becomes dead, crystallized; it becomes a creed, a sect, a religion, to be imposed on others." He continues on, stating, "I maintain that no organization can lead man to spirituality. If an organization be created for this purpose, it becomes a crutch, a weakness, a bondage, and must cripple the individual, and prevent him from growing, from establishing his uniqueness, which lies in the discovery for himself of that absolute, unconditioned Truth."

Now, many will read those words and consider them blasphemous or sacrilegious. That's to be expected when discussing institutions that have been the foundational bedrock of societies for several millennia. Others will read Krishnamurti's words and simply disagree due to their personal experiences and his statements' logical merits or lack thereof. At this point in my life, I will admit that I disagree with a few things Krishnamurti articulated that day. That said, I also have to admit that the vast majority of his message ignited the belief that maybe I could walk a path toward my own truth that was different from everything I'd ever been taught before. His words helped embolden me to challenge and question any authority that stood as a roadblock or obstacle in my pursuit of the eternal and the full, unrestrained expression of my unique self.

Krishnamurti's assertion that "Truth is a pathless land" aroused every cell within me and further legitimized what I already felt inside. There was more to know and understand about God and life than I had been led to believe. While Gibran's words lured and inspired me to explore and extrapolate beauty and purpose from every frame of life, Krishnamurti's intellect and charismatic deconstruction of organized religion's authority helped lay waste to one of the largest barriers to my pursuit of truth.

Where I differ in thought from Krishnamurti's sentiment is that I believe truth is limitless, but it can and does form walls that protect us with limitations when we need them. Truth can be organized, but it must be flexible to give way when its structure inhibits our development, evolution, and expansion. Belief is a personal, individual matter, but through shared belief systems, we find connection and the synergy of fellowship that often strengthens our faith - yet not allow it to shackle us to a dogma that induces spiritual lethargy and decay. Personally, I think it would be more accurate to say that truth isn't a pathless land but a destination defined by countless paths stretching to every possible place of origin. You cannot walk a single path previously trekked, but you're guided, encouraged, and rewarded for treading your own.

That belief gave me the courage to continue along my path to self-discovery. Without it, I don't know if I could have discarded so much of my identity in the years that followed. It can be scary and intimidating to stand up to an authority in your life. Some are embodied in flesh and bone, while most are societal creations born and empowered by our hopes, fears, and needs for security and belonging. So yes, it can be very difficult to confront and challenge your authorities. But you can do it. Sometimes it just requires you to realize those aspects of yourself that you're willing to fight for are at risk of being lost.

Question and Challenge Every Authority in Your Life

It's a logical interpretation to read "challenge every authority in your life" and assume it's a call to arms to fight or overthrow all authority figures, but that isn't the intended meaning. Before I could discover and embrace my authentic self, I had to thoroughly reassess everything that had influence over me and all things accepted as truth and discarded as lies. Essentially, I had to re-evaluate every aspect of my life without bias, filters, or prejudice to reveal their purer purpose and extract spiritual value. For me, that meant starting with my faith and concept of God. For others, it could be questioning parents, teachers, coaches, organizations, or even social norms, customs, and traditions.

In Total Freedom, Krishnamurti says, "We are accustomed to authority, and believe an authority will lead us to spirituality." He also argues, "We have too much dependence on others when it comes to our spiritual growth." From a certain perspective, it's hard to argue that he's wrong. Personally, I am of the belief that who we are and how we feel about our identity are almost wholly intertwined with the values of our chosen authorities and what they deem to be righteous or wrong. Every choice we make and everything we do is judged accordingly - by ourselves, others who share the same authority, and the authority themselves.

When I identified as a Christian, there seemed to be an unending list of actions and inactions that were deemed wrong, bad, or determined a transgression. It was impossible ever to feel worthy of love or develop a sense of pride in who I was when I believed myself to be hopelessly flawed and always falling short of an ideal of perfection. There are innumerable interpretations and translations of the Judeo-Christian Bible out there, and maybe there are some that afford a more forgiving and gracious view of humanity. Unfortunately, those I read seemed pretty clear that mankind was forever dependent on the grace and mercy of God due to our wretched, sinful ways. So, why did I believe that? Why did I accept the Bible and Christianity as the ultimate authority on all things concerning morality? Why did I allow it to be the source of my worth and value for so long?

The answers to those questions have many layers, including a few that I discussed in "The Wonderful World of Wanderers." I'll try not to retread that ground, but I will provide a more personal, introspective reason for why I allowed myself to hold on to a belief that I had clearly grown incompatible with over the years. You see, most people are introduced to concepts of the Creator and their parents' religious practices at a young age. I believe there is much value in being raised with an awareness of something greater than ourselves. During our most formative years, it is important to establish some kind of connection with God. But that doesn't mean that our concept of the Creator should never change. On the contrary, I believe the only way to truly have a relationship with God is through an ever-evolving understanding of ourselves and those around us, which provides insight and feedback into the Creator's nature as well. If our concept of and relationship with God are static and have not changed since childhood, we don't have a relationship at all. We have more of an idol hewn from dogma and convention.

I accepted the Bible and Christianity as the ultimate authorities in my life because my mother raised me in the Baptist Church throughout my childhood and taught me lessons of right and wrong grounded in the tenets of Christianity. Those lessons provided the foundation and moral center required to step out into the world and experience more of it to further shape and mold my soul. The reasons I held on so tightly to the Bible and Christianity as my authorities was because they made up so much of my identity, and without them, I no longer had a firm sense of who I was or a clear understanding of right and wrong in this world. On top of that, most people I knew or came in contact with were Christian, too. So, there was a huge element of the decision being rational because mostly everyone I knew had subscribed to the same faith. All of them couldn't be wrong, right?

Lastly, there was the comfort and feeling of acceptance found in conforming to the faith and expectations of everyone in my life. To embark on a personal journey to discover who you are and shed parts of yourself while doing it is very difficult in and of itself. To contend with convention and the pressures of conformity required more courage than I ever anticipated. Then again, I don't know if I would characterize it as courage at all. There was more of a compulsory element to it. I was being force fed experiences to help me grow, evolve, and expand. The only way that could happen was to break the shell of my understanding and leave the confines of my faith.

There was one event in my life that I vividly remember weakening the hull of my religious belief. Going to college and being away from home is an important time in many young adults' lives. It was no different for me. It was the first time I had new experiences and exposure to people that challenged my worldview. During those years, I befriended a couple of people that just so happened to have been gay. It was the first time I had an opportunity to get to know individuals that did not identify as heterosexual. And guess what? They were just people. They were kind, funny, considerate, loving people. Who knew?

For years, my faith and belief system taught me that homosexuality was wrong and seen as a perversion in the eyes of God. I sat in many pews that claimed that those that "made the choice" of living a homosexual lifestyle would find themselves consumed in the fires of hell. Throughout my life, that was what I was indoctrinated to believe. Yet, there I was, face-to-face with actual human beings and not caricatures of gay people. Just as I don't recall making a choice to be attracted to girls or women, it was clear their attraction to each other was deeper than conscious deliberation. It was also very clear to me that who they were was born and formed by the same Creator that fashioned me. So, how was I supposed to believe that who they are was inherently wrong? How does a god of love justify condemning genuinely warm, loving people to eternal damnation? It just didn't make sense.

Mentally, I didn't understand how a loving god could judge and condemn loving people so mercilessly. But then, emotionally, it felt unequivocally wrong and unnatural not to extend an embrace and love to these people that had been nothing but incredible to me. It was at that point that I remember feeling and thinking it was not right. I refused to believe that my God would be so uncaring and thoughtless toward his own creation. And I refused to allow myself to judge or hate someone for simply being themselves. This was my first real break from Christianity as I knew it. All the other differences I had with the church due to its translations and interpretations of scripture were semantics and a matter of opinion. This was seismically different.

I don't know if I was completely aware of it then, but I took my first step away from Christianity with that decision. Yes, the Bible and Christianity made up such a big part of my identity, but it slowly became clear that they didn't have to. I began to understand that, within the walls of the church and beneath its steeple of symbolism, the true essence of my religion was the faith and love found inside its congregation. Thankfully, those two things are not unique or exclusive to any one religion, and I could take them with me no matter where my journey led. So I decided they would be my guides. Faith and love would help me establish a more intuitive moral compass. They would be the cornerstones of a new, organic belief system.

So no, questioning and challenging every authority in your life isn't about fighting or overthrowing any authority. It's about evaluating them to determine if they faithfully serve you as you do them. Are they leading you toward and helping you realize your flowering potential? Or are they stifling you and limiting your capability to grow, evolve, and expand? Does your authority empower and invigorate you, or does it drain and deplete your vitality? Do you feel like you can be yourself uninhibited, or are you forced to uncomfortably conform and compromise who you are to appease its restrictive demands? These are just some of the questions I suggest you ask yourself and pose to your chosen authorities. Many of you may not have known such liberty and hope are your birthright. Don't settle on something so important when there's an alternative, guiding force waiting to be acknowledged and unbound within you.

Examine Every Choice and Experience to Reveal Our Unique, Evolving Truth and Identity

"... There is that truth which is most holy, most sacred, that which man has sought from time immemorial. That truth does not lie in any temple, in any mosque, in any church. And it has no path to it except through one's own understanding of oneself, inquiring, studying, learning. Then there is that which is eternal." - Jiddu Krishnamurti

After I walked away from Christianity, I found myself studying and researching a multitude of religions, philosophies, and ancient teachings, but there was always some part or aspect about them that didn't make sense or didn't seem like a fit for me. So, what I decided to do was glean whatever knowledge or wisdom that did resonate with me and leave the rest behind. It wasn't long before I realized that, as I gathered these puzzle pieces of belief, some started to fit together. Many of the questions and gaps of understanding I had when I practiced Christianity appeared to be answered or explained by passages, verses, or wisdom from other belief systems. It was as if there was one holistic truth and complete understanding of God that had been broken up and divided amongst humanity. Afterward, each tribe or community took its fragment of that truth and developed its own ideal of the Creator.

In my mind, as I contemplated the possibility and plausibility of truth being disseminated in such a manner, it made perfect sense to me. It's similar to our individual identities within various familial, social, or professional relationships. For example, my wife views me as a loving partner, financial provider, and dedicated father of our child while my friends view me as an honest, reliable guy who is considerate despite being terrible at keeping in touch over long distances. Then, you have the many associates that worked for me over the years that I hope would say that I was creative, competitive, empathetic, and an engaged leader. Unfortunately, I know some of them would also say I was micro-managing, cold, and aloof, too.

All of them and their perception of me would be accurate, given our varying experiences and interactions. One may claim that I could never be cold or aloof, while another has serious doubts I ever had an empathetic bone in my body. The point is that people can have a variety of perceptions or beliefs about who we are depending on our relationships and interactions with them. While none of them may be wrong per se, all of them are not fully right either because they fail to capture all aspects of our identity, which is fluid and amorphous. I believe that's precisely the case when we consider the various concepts of God found in religions throughout the world. Each took static fragments of truth and organized them into a belief system. All of them capture an aspect of God, but none fully encompass its total, infinite nature. Understanding this, I decided to pursue my own comprehensive study of the Creator. I could no longer be satisfied with only part of the truth. I wanted to know it all.

In the chapter "Freedom from the Known" nearing the end of Total Freedom, Krishnamurti says, "You have to be your own teacher and your own disciple. You have to question everything that man has accepted as valuable, as necessary." So, how does one accomplish that? How can you be your own teacher and your own disciple? Well, I have an idea of what Krishnamurti may have meant by that statement. There is an old yet commonly used adage that says, "Experience is the best teacher." and I wholeheartedly agree with that. At some point, after I decided to untether myself from any particular religion or authority, I began to realize just how intentional and evident the Creator's influence and guidance were in my life. Everyday occurrences and seeming coincidences that I once chalked up to being nothing, randomness, or the law of averages all of a sudden carried greater meaning and were used to get my attention and lead me toward spiritual epiphanies.

Just as indisputable and obvious as a pastor delivering a fiery sermon from a church's pulpit, I could see the work of God and the curated lessons being administered to me through experience. So, while it wasn't exactly me being my own teacher or disciple, it was me placing my trust solely in the ever-unfolding experiences of life and no longer in an earthly authority. Each experience examined, along with lessons learned, uncovered a little more of the truth and identity of the Creator. They also revealed more of my unique truth and how it connects and relates to the equally extraordinary and viable truth of others.

What I'm about to say may come across as controversial and will require some unpacking, but I feel it must be shared. We were never meant to all have the same belief and identify with one singular truth. Now, let me try to explain that. Dictionary.com defines belief as "a principle, proposition, idea, etc, accepted as true." Belief is one of the most powerful motivators we have as humans. What we believe determines what we say or don't say, what actions we take or don't take, and especially what we think or don't think. Our beliefs greatly influence the experiences we have, how those experiences are internalized, and what (if anything) we learn or extract from them. It may sound a tad cold and calculating, but belief can be an incredible tool to get us to achieve or accomplish certain goals or tasks throughout our lives. So, that leads me back to my statement. We were never meant to all have the same belief and identify with one singular truth because we needed to believe different things and accept diverse truths in order for us to fulfill our distinct purposes in this life which all serve the holistic vision of the Creator to evolve our collective consciousness.

If you look at any complex organism or organization, in order for it to maintain its health and thrive, it requires an ecosystem of diversity to complete specialized tasks. These tasks are accomplished by the individual cells or associates that comprise them. The same goes for a societal body like a town, state, country, or planet. We are each provided a unique set of circumstances at birth that includes our sex, race, culture, economic status, and a host of other variables. That sets the foundation for our differentiation. Afterward, we are molded and given structure during our most formative years from childhood to early adulthood. This structure includes our various beliefs, which determine how we're to accept, interpret, and utilize the experiences introduced into our lives. Each successive experience lived and choice made forms our identity, provides us with purpose, and reveals our truth. All three are inextricably linked to one another. So, what does this mean? Well, the simple answer is that the Creator forms each of us uniquely and for a specific purpose. What we believe, how we engage the world around us, and what we identify as our truth were all born from our distinctly curated experiences. They are imbued with all the wisdom we need to tap into a storehouse of understanding.

At this point in my life, every experience I have is filtered through the lens of love, which requires an incredible amount of faith. We all are capable of taking one singular event and attributing or extracting infinite meanings to and from it. That's very much intentional, and how it was designed to allow for endless possibilities within an infinite creation. That said, if we only experienced a continuous influx of events without the ability to connect them to form a coherent narrative, we would not be able to secure a stable and healthy concept of the self. Every moment of the day and every experience we have creates a frame of our identity. Much like a movie is comprised of a reel containing many still frames, our identity is, in part, comprised of all our experiences bound together. Fear, judgment, and repression (a result of fear and judgment) cause separation and prevent us from assimilating certain experiences within our identity. Many times this may manifest in a number of so-called 'personality disorders.' That is why love, which is an energetic connector and binder of disparate things, is my chosen filter for experiences. It connects them all and allows for the formation of a cohesive, healthy, and whole identity.

Those Who Conform and Rely on Convention Are Not Our Enemies

"The world problem is our problem because we are the world. What we think does affect the world; what we do does affect society. The individual problem is directly related to the world problem, and I do not think we are giving sufficient importance to the power of individual thinking and action. Historically, I am sure you will find that it is always individuals who produce the great movements that are brought about." - Jiddu Krishnamurti

This next lesson isn't necessarily derived from Total Freedom, but I felt compelled to end this entry with a message of reconciliation and a recalibration of perspective. You see, it's easy for us who have been loners, outsiders, or rebellious for most of our lives to view conformists or conventionalists as our enemies. After all, many of them took active roles in suppressing our thoughts, feelings, and other forms of individual expression. They have made us feel as if we don't belong and that something is wrong with us because we see the world differently. So yeah, they check most of the boxes that would qualify them as our antagonists. But, instead of seeing it that way and harboring anger or resentment toward them, allow me to provide an alternative viewpoint to consider.

As I stated earlier, I believe that each of us has a distinct purpose that supports the holistic plan of the Creator to evolve our collective consciousness. Enveloped within that plan, conformity and convention provide stability and cohesion that holds large groups of people together. These groups are typically the majority, and they are capable of completing large-scale jobs, tasks, or purposes critical to our maintenance and health as a society. Then, you have the elements of resistance and discord, which are typified by loners, outsiders, and rebels who add the important ingredient of variation within a society. They are analogous to the mutations and genetic variances found in cells within the human body. Their inherent variation, if proven to be advantageous, could lead to the adaptation of their unique traits by other cells and be passed down to the next generation. This process is important because our evolution as a species relies on it. So, where am I going with this?

Those of you who feel as if you don't belong or that the world just doesn't get you, I want you to know that you are not alone and that we are the seeds of change and transformation that will lead to our society's evolution. We serve as the disruption of normalcy and convention that will spark a revolution that will usher humanity to a new state of being and consciousness. We are not here to challenge those who conform or rely on convention because they are wrong and need to be displaced. We challenge and contend because it's simply time for our voices to be heard, too. Every single experience of our lives led us to this moment of choice and clarity. But, once again, this goes beyond our current concept of choice or an exercise of courage. This is a compulsion, and quite frankly, it's just who we are. All of our presences are required to make this thing called life work. It is through our often antagonistic dance, filled with successes and failures to prevail, that balance, growth, and our eventual evolution are achieved. If only we could pierce the veil of ignorance draped over our eyes, then we would be able to transmute our animosity into an acceptance and appreciation for the roles we each play to stabilize and move our species forward.

Take care of yourself, and know that you're never alone and always loved.

A Moment for Gratitude

There is very little left to say about how much Jiddu Krishnamurti impacted my life and the gratitude that I have for him. For nearly sixty years, he traveled the world speaking to small and large audiences attempting to help them better understand themselves and their tremendous potential to spark change to make the world a better place. As I mentioned before, he taught me how to think with more clarity and how to methodically scrutinize information presented to me. More importantly, Krishnamurti provided me the inspiration and courage to challenge every authoritative figure or concept I relinquished my power to. For that, I will always be grateful. But there's one more thing that Krishnamurti exemplified that I'd like to share.

It may seem like a small thing, but Krishnamurti always encouraged others to join him in the pursuit of truth through conversation. He didn't want you to just take his word for it. He taught us that it is ok to disagree with those we love, respect, and deeply admire. It may be tough to do at times, but it's very important that we find the courage to do it more often than not. Through sharing our dissent, which hopefully generates a healthy, robust discussion, we create an opportunity to share our truth and provide another opportunity for those we admire to understand and connect with us. We are not doing ourselves or anyone else favors by nodding our heads in agreement when everything within our constitution prefers to voice an objection.

It wasn't until this last time reading Total Freedom that I realized just how much I disagreed with Krishnamurti on a variety of topics. But, weirdly enough, it made me respect and admire him even more. It is my hope to always create and foster an environment that encourages open, honest dialogue and values, welcomes, and embraces the diverse truths we have all been gifted.

To my Son, Alexander:

“Remember that every soul travels a unique path back to the Creator. Some may seem antagonists due to our current constitution, but know their presence and purpose are required for all to take an evolutionary step forward.”

Join the Discussion:

https://www.thewanderfulworld.com/join-the-discussion/general-discussion/the-courage-to-contend-with-conformity-and-convention-discussion

Recommended Reading:

• Total Freedom by Jiddu Krishnamurti